The Book of Dan (working title) Part 3

Dan awoke with a mouth full of cotton balls to the roar of a jet engine nearby.

No, wait... scratch that, it's just a hangover.

Dan groaned as he tried, unsuccessfully to open his eyes. After several attempts he thought it better to wait, and collect himself. Slowly he became aware of himself and his surroundings. So far as he could tell he was in his own apartment... naked... and face down on the floor next to the bed. It appeared he made a valiant effort to actually make it to the bed, but fell short. Literally.

He tried again to open his eyes. No dice. What happened last night? Yesterday? What was yesterday? It was a Saturday. He remembered it was his sister's...

Ah, a funeral bender. Makes sense.

Finally, he was able to open his eyes. There were tiny invisible gremlins with spears dancing and stabbing his eyeballs, and larger ones doing much the same thing inside his skull. This, combined with the bizarre combination of nausea and hunger in his stomach, made movement very difficult.

He scrabbled around with his hands to find something to grip in order to stand up. He groped around the side of the bed until he felt something long, firm and smooth. What the hell was this hanging off the side of his bed? Whatever, he need all the help he could to get up. Using the long, smooth thing and the other hand on the side of the bed he staggered and flailed his way up to his feet.

Upon finding his footing he took the time to investigate what the dangling thing off the side of the bed was. It was, in fact, a calf. A tanned, and smoothly shaved female calf and foot to be exact. Further investigation revealed that the owner of the calf and foot was tangled in the sheets, as naked as Dan, and lightly snoring in the bed.

Oh man.

Then there was a sound coming from the other end of the apartment. In the shock and stupor of the moment and the bloody awful hangover it was hard to tell what it was, and then it hit him. Keys. He was hearing keys in the locks on the front door. Shit. From the kitchen he heard her call out.

"Hey, babe. I'm home. I'm so sorry I couldn't be here yesterday, but I brought you a surprise to make it up to you."

Oh god.