Firstly, I must decline your offer, and not because of the loan contract you drew up, or even the bitterly hurtful terms of default. As cold and condescending as the document is, I expected that much from you. No, I am declining to accept your help because of the even more disrespectful letter that you felt the need to attach to it. The contract itself I can understand. It is a large sum of money I requested, after all. The letter, on the other hand, was insulting and unnecessary. If one respects who one is dealing with, there are really only two polite ways to handle things when someone requests help, such as I have done. The first way would be to say "yes" and define the terms. The second way would be to simply say "no" and offer your regrets. Given your wife's job status at the moment, a polite denial of my request would have been understandable. However, your method of saying "yes" with the addition of a declaration of a complete lack of faith in me, and a list of my historical shortcomings is beyond imagining. A contract is a business document, and your letter is not something you would do in a business situation (I would hope) and is definitely not something most people would do to a "loved one."
You said it yourself in the letter: I am a man of nearly thirty years-old. As such, you must have some inkling that this was the hardest thing I have yet had to do in my adult life. I am a man. I have my pride. I am a man who has lived and worked independently and successfully for quite some time, and it galls me to have to swallow my pride and run to daddy, and admit that I have failed in some way. Nobody ever enjoys asking for help. Rather than taking this into account and possibly showing some heartfelt understanding you went out of your way to make it harder on me, and point out my status as the black-sheep-screw-up of the family. Thank you for that.
When I asked for help in the first place I did explain that the debt in question was racked up on my credit cards in my college years. I was young, and had no idea of the financial dangers involved. In the intervening ten years I have not used my credit cards for anything. Not one new charge, or single item purchased in "this internet age of buying" as you put it. With this in mind, your brief treatise on responsible credit card usage was at once teeth-grindingly annoying, completely condescending, and beyond irrelevant. Whatever lessons there were to learn, I learned years ago. In the time since incurring this debt I have behaved responsibly, attempting to pay off my debts, but never making any real headway. I was drowning in interest rates and hidden fees. Finally, I took a proactive step and hired a debt negotiation company to help me sort this out. Well Citibank decided against working with me, and instead opted for the settle-now-or-be-sued approach. Rather than face a judgement against me in court, I choked on my pride, and came to you for help. Obviously, I was completely forgetting you view of me. Don't worry, it won't happen again.
Your letter makes it very plain to me that, though you point out my correct age, you still see me as the angsty sixteen year-old that was so badly behaved that you were "forced" to throw him out of the house. You mention something about this loan being a chance to show you how I am "maturing." The truly sad part about this is that kid you think you're talking to is long gone, and where are you? That kid worked his way through college. He got married. He got divorced. He picked himself up and tried again. He started his own successful business and moved 400 miles away from home, all on his own steam. Where have you been? If I really need to prove something to you about my character with this loan, then you can keep it. I will gladly accept conditions about your money, but I refuse to accept any conditions for your respect. I will take my chances with the court.
One last thing I have come to understand from your reply is that my stays with you are not the welcome family visits from a far flung family member that I thought they were. The conditions of default on your contract make plain that my use of your guest room is not "coming home" but merely a service that you graciously offer me as your guest, and nothing more. If making a mistake revokes that privelage, then it's something else you can keep. I apologize for my many impositions, and I thank you for your hospitatlity. In future, I will make other arrangements. Expect your key by mail shortly.
Regards,
Dan
P.S. I am aware that you are storing two small boxes for me in a closet. Please ask Jon, at his convenience, to take them with him on his next visit to my mother's house. She has agreed to hold them for me until my next trip into town.
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